can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
