This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
