On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
