hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
