I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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