4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
