Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
