i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
