How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
