Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
