Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
