i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
