She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
50% drunk capacity currently
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
