note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
