nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's blow job season.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize