Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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