I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
