Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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