So drunk, too bad you don't want this
they need to just BURY HIM!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
