He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
