I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
