WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize