I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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