I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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