no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
