Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
