pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
