I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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