I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
