I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
