dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize