he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
