Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
