I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
