i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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