Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
