this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize