well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
