he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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