4 words: hood of his car
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
