A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
