i was rollin on her like bob the builder
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
