so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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