you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
