I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
