I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize