just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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