I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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