My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
