She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
