This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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