Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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