shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
