Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
