never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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