Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
