3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
