is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
