Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
