so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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