The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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