So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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