I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
