K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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