i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
