I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize