I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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