I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
