??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
high people should be assigned attendants
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
