break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
