You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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