For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
