Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
