I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
