using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no, he came in my armpit
i just google imaged poop.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize