It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
