Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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