Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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