My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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