I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
