I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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