we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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