I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
