I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
